tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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