so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
