i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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