do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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