If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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