After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
