He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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