Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize