her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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