I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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