What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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