Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
