Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
