his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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