The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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