Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
