similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
