I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
