i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
