why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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