So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
