D3 body, D1 cock
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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