drinking out of a sandbucket again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
