Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
