So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
