Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
