i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
