He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
