i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
