Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What a dumb baby whore.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
