I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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