My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
