life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
