If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
