What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
