I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
