some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
