My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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