return my video game
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
