I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
