My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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