in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
accomplished twins. life is a go
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
