your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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