so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
