turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
