I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dick very happy bro
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
