I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
