Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
