How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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