it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
