Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Randomize
