last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize