Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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