bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
