I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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