I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
