Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
