2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
