he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
