I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No subtext here. People are naked.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
