I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
