My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
