I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
