I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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