somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
