i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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