You can't motorboat a personality
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
