My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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