Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
