he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
