I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
