Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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