wanna go halves on a baby?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
