OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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